Tis the season for sunshine and swimming. But before I get to enjoy summer, I need a new bathing suit. It’s been years since I purchased a new one and figured this season’s bright colors would be a nice refresher to my wardrobe as I enjoy splash-splashing.
That’s all? You don’t want to try on more, Jared asked on a recent afternoon as we took turns holding Baby Girl and trying on suits.
No. I remember why I hate bathing suit shopping. It always make me feel fat and now my boobs are down to my knees, I told him.
Last summer, of course, I was pregnant and was so happy to be cooled down that I didn’t care what I looked like as I luxuriated in the river or soaked my feet in the kiddie pool.
Since having Baby Girl, I thought I was making headway on maintaining a positive body image and found myself cheering on women posting scathing comments about the new “dad bod” and women who share images of their stretch-marked selves.
When shopping, though, I realized I’m not as comfortable in my own skin as I thought I had become.
Do you want to go anywhere else, Jared asked.
No. I just want to go home. I’m exhausted and now I feel fat, I said.
You’re not, he said. Remember, you’re still breastfeeding Baby Girl. You make milk. That’s your super power.
Stop it. You’re going to make me cry.
Are you laughing?
No. I’m totally crying, I said, wiping tears off my face.
But I didn’t feel fat anymore.